Everyone needs friends. It is the second most basic relationship in life. Jesus said that the two most important commandments are to love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself. We often experience God's love through the love of a friend. People usually don't care if they have a friend in Jesus until they see that they have a friend in us.
Proverbs clearly tells us what makes a good friend - how to develop and maintain meaningful friendships.
#1. What makes a good friend? Faithfulness.
Proverbs 17:17 - "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."
Proverbs 27:10 - "Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father, and do not go to your brother's house when disaster strikes you - better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away."
One of the greatest friendships in the Bible was that of David and Jonathan. When Jonathan's father, King Saul hated David so much that he wanted to kill him, Jonathan protected David. I Samuel 20:30-31 - "Saul's anger flared up at Jonathan and he said to him, 'You son of a perverse and rebellious woman! Don't I know that you have sided with the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of the mother who bore you? As long as the son of Jesse lives on this earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established.'"
Then in verse 33, "Saul hurled his spear at him to kill him."
Even with the loss of his future kingship, his relationship with his father, and the potential loss of life, Jonathan remained loyal to David.
#2. What makes a good friend? Keeping confidences.
Proverbs 16:28 - "A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends."
Proverbs 11:13 - "A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret."
As a friend you'll know details and secrets of your friend's life. Friends do not gossip. Gossip is telling detrimental things about another person to someone who is not a part of the problem or the solution.
Friends know when to tell someone else (such as in cases of abuse) and when to keep confidences.
#3. What makes a good friend? Kindness.
Proverbs 26:18-19 - "Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, 'I was only joking!'"
Fathers can help their children by teaching them the difference between a joke or harmless prank and going too far.
#4. What makes a good friend? Encouragement toward financial contentment.
Proverbs 6:1-5 - "My son, if you have put up security for your neighbor, if you have struck hands in pledge for another, if you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth, then do this my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbor's hands: Go and humble yourself; press your plea with your neighbor! Allow no sleep to your eyes, no slumber to your eyelids. Free yourself, like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, like a bird from the snare of the fowler."
Proverbs 17:18 - "A man lacking in judgment strikes hands in pledge and puts up security for his neighbor."
When you co-sign, you accept responsibility for the debts of others. When you co-sign you are enabling your friend to buy something he cannot afford. The Bible calls that "putting up security" or being "surity." Often people pledge themselves to be responsible for their friend's debt. This is a recipe for disaster. It is best to encourage your friends to buy only what they can afford.
#5. What makes a good friend? Generosity.
Proverbs 3:28 - "Do not say to your neighbor, 'Come back later; I'll give it tomorrow' - when you now have it with you."
We have all been given the same amount of time - 24 hours a day. Even with our busy lives, it amazes me how many people have time to give to their friends. When my wife was sick for a prolonged period of time many friends helped us. They brought in meals, ironed, ran errands and prayed for us. Many hours were given. Did they have nothing else to do? Were their days empty? I don't think so. These were acts of friendship.
#6. What makes a good friend? Forgiveness.
Proverbs 24:29 - "Do not say, 'I'll do to him as he has done to me; I'll pay that man back for what he did.'"
Our fallen human nature says, "Don't get mad - get even." Jesus says we must forgive - not 7 times, but 70 X 7. We must be ready to forgive our friends, just like they have to forgive us.
#7. What makes a good friend? Bringing out the best in each other.
Proverbs 16:29 - "A violent man entices his neighbor and leads him down a path that is not good."
Proverbs 22:24 - "Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared."
#8. What makes a good friend? Telling the truth - even if it is "bad news".
Proverbs 27:17 - "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
Proverbs 27:6 - "Wounds from a friend can be trusted."
A man saw a friend acting in a way that would probably destroy his friend's family. What would a friend do? He said that he did nothing because he didn't want to lose the friendship.
True friends put the needs of a friend before their own need to keep the friendship. It's never easy, but when you must tell someone the truth, use this approach: speak calmly, clearly, directly, honestly and respectfully. This is how Jesus would confront someone.
#9. What makes a good friend? Unselfishness.
Proverbs 17:17 - "A friend loves at all time."
Proverbs 18:1 - "A unfriendly man pursues selfish ends."
On August 5, 1936, at the Berlin Olympic Stadium it was past nine in the evening.
The final three competitors in the pole vault were Earl Meadows (United States) and two Japanese close friends Japan, Shuhei Nishida and Sueo Oe. The bar was at 14 feet 3 1/4 inches, which Earl Meadows. Nishida and Oe missed all three attempts. The two Japanese continued to jump for second and third place, but the competition ended when it became too dark to continue.
"Oe and I were certain we had tied, since we both jumped identical heights," Nishida remembered.
The officials decided to award the silver medal to Nishida - without fully explaining their reasoning. Oe was awarded the bronze. Nishida was not happy with the decision. Oe and Nishida decided to cut their medals in half. Then they joined half of the silver medal with half of the bronze medal for each of them. The medals were called the Medals of Eternal Friendship.
What an unselfish act on the part of a friend.
What makes a good friend? Practicing the golden rule. Friends treat each other as they would like to be treated.
Jesus said, "I have called you friends." John 15:15. He's our best example of what makes a good friend.
"If life has knocked you down, I prophesy that you will Rise & Walk"
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