As a youth pastor and life coach, I have helped many couples with marriage problems. I do so, not from a secular perspective, but from a spiritual one, with the Bible as my base.
Over the years I have come to realize that more and more “Christians” are so in name only, as they either don’t understand God’s Word, or no longer care to be obedient. For context, obedience is not optional for true Christians.
The Bible says marriage is forever, until death. It also says that the Lord hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16). And yet divorce has become the default setting for most people experiencing marital difficulties. At the first sign of trouble, they head for divorce court and then retry marriage again with their next “soul mate.”
I am not going to elaborate on the many reasons not to divorce, as that’s not the subject of this article. The issue isn’t the substantial damage done by divorce, but whether or not a troubled marriage can be saved.
Rhetorically, as every marriage is uniquely different, the question of whether or not a marriage can be saved must be asked using specific details of the discord, right? No, details are of little importance for those who believe. Yes, they are the mitigating circumstances of our trouble, but in terms of solving the problem, they are irrelevant.
Secular marriage counselors would, of course, disagree. They’ve been to college, they’ve had specialized training, they’re licensed by the state, etc., so they know best --- or do they? Let’s try another rhetorical question. If secular marriage counselors are so good at what they do, why do they almost always fail? At best, most can only make your subsequent divorce less traumatic. But in terms of saving marriages, most have an almost perfect failure rate. Why?
Because they are “treating” a symptom, not the cause. To the point, when people are causing trouble in their marriage, they are really experiencing a problem with God, and that’s an issue secular marriage counselors won’t touch with a ten-foot-pole.
If everyone would do as God instructs in His holy Word, no marriage would ever end in divorce. It is only when we fail to obey Him that problems arise. In this light, we must understand that if we are right with Him, we will be right with our spouse as well.
Exposing the difference between the secular and the spiritual, will a secular marriage counselor make you a guarantee that your marriage will be saved? No, he won’t. He can’t! Will I or any other truly Christian marriage counselor make such a promise? Yes. I state categorically, if a couple will obey God’s commandments, their marriage, no matter what shape it’s in, can, and will be saved.
If you are a Christian, but still have doubt, let me ask a secular question to make my spiritual point. You believe God created the heavens with but a single thought and that He raised His crucified Son from the bowels of death, and gave Him life where there was none -- why then would you question that He can save your marriage? Doing so is completely illogical. That would be analogous to trusting a heart surgeon with your transplant, then doubting he has the ability to bandage your cut finger.
“But Jesus looked at them and said to them, "With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." (Matthew 19:26 NKJV) This promise is repeated throughout the Bible. For example, "For with God nothing will be impossible." (Luke 1:37)
Paraphrasing Scripture; saving a truly troubled marriage is virtually impossible unless you turn to God.
I am not making light of marriage problems, as they are nothing to laugh at. The secular and spiritual loss to married individuals headed for divorce court can be catastrophic. And I am certainly not implying that saving a marriage is an easy proposition, because it’s not.
But the bottom-line is the bottom-line, so let me give you the “secret“to my fail-safe marriage guarantee: If your marriage is in trouble, seek God. "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:7)
All marriages, no matter how troubled, can be saved. "If you abide in Me, and My words abide in you, you will ask what you desire, and it shall be done for you.” (John 15:7)
"If life has knocked you down, I prophesy that you will Rise & Walk"
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
When Don't I Honor My Father And Mother?
The Bible says you are to "Honor your father and your mother” (Exodus 20:12 NKJV). Based on that verse alone, there are many people who believe we are to honor our parents no matter what they say or do. Yet Jesus taught, "Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law; and a man's enemies will be those of his own household.” (Matthew 10:34-36).
Which begs the question, how can we honor our parents when our Savior tells us He came to separate us from those very people should they stand against Him? Is this a contradiction?
Ephesians 5:11 states, “And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them.”
Second Thessalonians 3:6 says, “But we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you withdraw from every brother who walks disorderly and not according to the tradition which he received from us.”
In 2 Corinthians 6:14 we are told, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?”
Lastly, although there are other references, in 1 Corinthians 5:11 we are told, “But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner - not even to eat with such a person.”
So now we have a number of verses in potential conflict with the commandment to honor our mother and father. Yet they make complete harmonic sense if read in the context leading to only one undeniable conclusion. We are to honor our parents if they are practicing Christians. If they are not, we aren’t even supposed to sit down and have dinner with them.
All the “conflicting” verses have no qualifiers that indicate everyone else except our parents. No, we are to separate ourselves from all who walk disorderly and in rebellion to God’s Holy Word. Sadly, if our parents choose the wide path leading to destruction, we must leave them. We may still minister to those we love, but if they will not turn to the One who is our first love, we are not to honor them. What this represents as a principle is why we must read the Bible in context.
Think of all the pain and suffering that has been generated in the mistaken belief that we are to honor our parents no matter what manner of life they lead. Psychiatrists’ couches are full of people who have had their lives destroyed totally or in part because they were trying to honor God by trying to honor their reprobate parents, when all along God wanted those so afflicted to separate from them.
For example, take a deadbeat parent who will not support his/her children financially, emotionally, or spiritually. First Timothy 5:8 states, “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
Can anyone, after reading this verse, truly believe that we, as their children, are to honor this person? Dissecting its meaning, we learn that one who refuses to live up to his secular and spiritual responsibilities as they pertain to his children, is not a Christian. Even if he was once, he is no longer. But—and this is where we must really be taken aback—such a person is worse than an unbeliever.
Knowing God says what He means and means what He says puts the issue in perspective. As He is righteous above all else, we would be foolish to believe He wants us to honor a person He says is worse than an unbeliever. Think about that. Worse than an unbeliever! To such a person no honor is to be given, regardless of lineage.
When we fail to read God’s Holy Word in context, or we decide to make doctrine out of a single verse while ignoring other verses on the same subject, this is what happens. We come to the wrong conclusion and then pay a price of pain and guilt when such was never intended.
The teaching is simple. We are to honor our parents, but only if they honor God.
"If life has knocked you down, I prophesy that you will Rise & Walk"
Which begs the question, how can we honor our parents when our Savior tells us He came to separate us from those very people should they stand against Him? Is this a contradiction?
Ephesians 5:11 states, “And have no fellowship with the unfruitful works of darkness, but rather expose them.”
Second Thessalonians 3:6 says, “But we command you, brethren, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you withdraw from every brother who walks disorderly and not according to the tradition which he received from us.”
In 2 Corinthians 6:14 we are told, “Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness?”
Lastly, although there are other references, in 1 Corinthians 5:11 we are told, “But now I have written to you not to keep company with anyone named a brother, who is sexually immoral, or covetous, or an idolater, or a reviler, or a drunkard, or an extortioner - not even to eat with such a person.”
So now we have a number of verses in potential conflict with the commandment to honor our mother and father. Yet they make complete harmonic sense if read in the context leading to only one undeniable conclusion. We are to honor our parents if they are practicing Christians. If they are not, we aren’t even supposed to sit down and have dinner with them.
All the “conflicting” verses have no qualifiers that indicate everyone else except our parents. No, we are to separate ourselves from all who walk disorderly and in rebellion to God’s Holy Word. Sadly, if our parents choose the wide path leading to destruction, we must leave them. We may still minister to those we love, but if they will not turn to the One who is our first love, we are not to honor them. What this represents as a principle is why we must read the Bible in context.
Think of all the pain and suffering that has been generated in the mistaken belief that we are to honor our parents no matter what manner of life they lead. Psychiatrists’ couches are full of people who have had their lives destroyed totally or in part because they were trying to honor God by trying to honor their reprobate parents, when all along God wanted those so afflicted to separate from them.
For example, take a deadbeat parent who will not support his/her children financially, emotionally, or spiritually. First Timothy 5:8 states, “But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.”
Can anyone, after reading this verse, truly believe that we, as their children, are to honor this person? Dissecting its meaning, we learn that one who refuses to live up to his secular and spiritual responsibilities as they pertain to his children, is not a Christian. Even if he was once, he is no longer. But—and this is where we must really be taken aback—such a person is worse than an unbeliever.
Knowing God says what He means and means what He says puts the issue in perspective. As He is righteous above all else, we would be foolish to believe He wants us to honor a person He says is worse than an unbeliever. Think about that. Worse than an unbeliever! To such a person no honor is to be given, regardless of lineage.
When we fail to read God’s Holy Word in context, or we decide to make doctrine out of a single verse while ignoring other verses on the same subject, this is what happens. We come to the wrong conclusion and then pay a price of pain and guilt when such was never intended.
The teaching is simple. We are to honor our parents, but only if they honor God.
"If life has knocked you down, I prophesy that you will Rise & Walk"
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Healing Is In the Word
God desires that I prosper and be in health. (3 John 2)
Death and life are in the power of the tongue. Therefore I will speak words of life. Jesus says in John 6:63 that His words are life, so I will speak them. (Proverbs 18:21)
I am strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. (Ephesians 6:10)
Jesus gave me authority over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt me. (Luke 10:19; Mark 16:17)
I am blessed above all people. The Lord has taken away from me all sickness. (Deuteronomy 7:14,15)
I have cast all my cares on the Lord for He cares for me. I refuse to worry about anything. (1 Peter 5:7)
I know that healing is God’s will for me. According to the Word of God, Jesus never refused nor turned away anyone desiring to be healed. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. (Hebrews 13:8; Matthew 8:16)
I will give attention to God’s words. I will incline my ear to His sayings. I will not let them depart from my eyes. I will keep them in my heart. They are life to me for I have found them, and they are health, healing and medicine to all my flesh. (Proverbs 4:20-22)
God sent His Word to heal me and deliver me from all destruction - Psalm 107:20.
God perfects the things that concern my life - Psalm 138:8
By Jesus' stripes I was healed - Isaiah 53:4,5; 1 Peter 2:24.
"If life has knocked you down, I prophesy that you will Rise & Walk"
Death and life are in the power of the tongue. Therefore I will speak words of life. Jesus says in John 6:63 that His words are life, so I will speak them. (Proverbs 18:21)
I am strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. (Ephesians 6:10)
Jesus gave me authority over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt me. (Luke 10:19; Mark 16:17)
I am blessed above all people. The Lord has taken away from me all sickness. (Deuteronomy 7:14,15)
I have cast all my cares on the Lord for He cares for me. I refuse to worry about anything. (1 Peter 5:7)
I know that healing is God’s will for me. According to the Word of God, Jesus never refused nor turned away anyone desiring to be healed. Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever. (Hebrews 13:8; Matthew 8:16)
I will give attention to God’s words. I will incline my ear to His sayings. I will not let them depart from my eyes. I will keep them in my heart. They are life to me for I have found them, and they are health, healing and medicine to all my flesh. (Proverbs 4:20-22)
God sent His Word to heal me and deliver me from all destruction - Psalm 107:20.
God perfects the things that concern my life - Psalm 138:8
By Jesus' stripes I was healed - Isaiah 53:4,5; 1 Peter 2:24.
"If life has knocked you down, I prophesy that you will Rise & Walk"
Sunday, February 6, 2011
9 Ways to be a Godly Friend
Everyone needs friends. It is the second most basic relationship in life. Jesus said that the two most important commandments are to love God with all your heart and love your neighbor as yourself. We often experience God's love through the love of a friend. People usually don't care if they have a friend in Jesus until they see that they have a friend in us.
Proverbs clearly tells us what makes a good friend - how to develop and maintain meaningful friendships.
#1. What makes a good friend? Faithfulness.
Proverbs 17:17 - "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."
Proverbs 27:10 - "Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father, and do not go to your brother's house when disaster strikes you - better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away."
One of the greatest friendships in the Bible was that of David and Jonathan. When Jonathan's father, King Saul hated David so much that he wanted to kill him, Jonathan protected David. I Samuel 20:30-31 - "Saul's anger flared up at Jonathan and he said to him, 'You son of a perverse and rebellious woman! Don't I know that you have sided with the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of the mother who bore you? As long as the son of Jesse lives on this earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established.'"
Then in verse 33, "Saul hurled his spear at him to kill him."
Even with the loss of his future kingship, his relationship with his father, and the potential loss of life, Jonathan remained loyal to David.
#2. What makes a good friend? Keeping confidences.
Proverbs 16:28 - "A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends."
Proverbs 11:13 - "A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret."
As a friend you'll know details and secrets of your friend's life. Friends do not gossip. Gossip is telling detrimental things about another person to someone who is not a part of the problem or the solution.
Friends know when to tell someone else (such as in cases of abuse) and when to keep confidences.
#3. What makes a good friend? Kindness.
Proverbs 26:18-19 - "Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, 'I was only joking!'"
Fathers can help their children by teaching them the difference between a joke or harmless prank and going too far.
#4. What makes a good friend? Encouragement toward financial contentment.
Proverbs 6:1-5 - "My son, if you have put up security for your neighbor, if you have struck hands in pledge for another, if you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth, then do this my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbor's hands: Go and humble yourself; press your plea with your neighbor! Allow no sleep to your eyes, no slumber to your eyelids. Free yourself, like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, like a bird from the snare of the fowler."
Proverbs 17:18 - "A man lacking in judgment strikes hands in pledge and puts up security for his neighbor."
When you co-sign, you accept responsibility for the debts of others. When you co-sign you are enabling your friend to buy something he cannot afford. The Bible calls that "putting up security" or being "surity." Often people pledge themselves to be responsible for their friend's debt. This is a recipe for disaster. It is best to encourage your friends to buy only what they can afford.
#5. What makes a good friend? Generosity.
Proverbs 3:28 - "Do not say to your neighbor, 'Come back later; I'll give it tomorrow' - when you now have it with you."
We have all been given the same amount of time - 24 hours a day. Even with our busy lives, it amazes me how many people have time to give to their friends. When my wife was sick for a prolonged period of time many friends helped us. They brought in meals, ironed, ran errands and prayed for us. Many hours were given. Did they have nothing else to do? Were their days empty? I don't think so. These were acts of friendship.
#6. What makes a good friend? Forgiveness.
Proverbs 24:29 - "Do not say, 'I'll do to him as he has done to me; I'll pay that man back for what he did.'"
Our fallen human nature says, "Don't get mad - get even." Jesus says we must forgive - not 7 times, but 70 X 7. We must be ready to forgive our friends, just like they have to forgive us.
#7. What makes a good friend? Bringing out the best in each other.
Proverbs 16:29 - "A violent man entices his neighbor and leads him down a path that is not good."
Proverbs 22:24 - "Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared."
#8. What makes a good friend? Telling the truth - even if it is "bad news".
Proverbs 27:17 - "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
Proverbs 27:6 - "Wounds from a friend can be trusted."
A man saw a friend acting in a way that would probably destroy his friend's family. What would a friend do? He said that he did nothing because he didn't want to lose the friendship.
True friends put the needs of a friend before their own need to keep the friendship. It's never easy, but when you must tell someone the truth, use this approach: speak calmly, clearly, directly, honestly and respectfully. This is how Jesus would confront someone.
#9. What makes a good friend? Unselfishness.
Proverbs 17:17 - "A friend loves at all time."
Proverbs 18:1 - "A unfriendly man pursues selfish ends."
On August 5, 1936, at the Berlin Olympic Stadium it was past nine in the evening.
The final three competitors in the pole vault were Earl Meadows (United States) and two Japanese close friends Japan, Shuhei Nishida and Sueo Oe. The bar was at 14 feet 3 1/4 inches, which Earl Meadows. Nishida and Oe missed all three attempts. The two Japanese continued to jump for second and third place, but the competition ended when it became too dark to continue.
"Oe and I were certain we had tied, since we both jumped identical heights," Nishida remembered.
The officials decided to award the silver medal to Nishida - without fully explaining their reasoning. Oe was awarded the bronze. Nishida was not happy with the decision. Oe and Nishida decided to cut their medals in half. Then they joined half of the silver medal with half of the bronze medal for each of them. The medals were called the Medals of Eternal Friendship.
What an unselfish act on the part of a friend.
What makes a good friend? Practicing the golden rule. Friends treat each other as they would like to be treated.
Jesus said, "I have called you friends." John 15:15. He's our best example of what makes a good friend.
"If life has knocked you down, I prophesy that you will Rise & Walk"
Proverbs clearly tells us what makes a good friend - how to develop and maintain meaningful friendships.
#1. What makes a good friend? Faithfulness.
Proverbs 17:17 - "A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity."
Proverbs 27:10 - "Do not forsake your friend and the friend of your father, and do not go to your brother's house when disaster strikes you - better a neighbor nearby than a brother far away."
One of the greatest friendships in the Bible was that of David and Jonathan. When Jonathan's father, King Saul hated David so much that he wanted to kill him, Jonathan protected David. I Samuel 20:30-31 - "Saul's anger flared up at Jonathan and he said to him, 'You son of a perverse and rebellious woman! Don't I know that you have sided with the son of Jesse to your own shame and to the shame of the mother who bore you? As long as the son of Jesse lives on this earth, neither you nor your kingdom will be established.'"
Then in verse 33, "Saul hurled his spear at him to kill him."
Even with the loss of his future kingship, his relationship with his father, and the potential loss of life, Jonathan remained loyal to David.
#2. What makes a good friend? Keeping confidences.
Proverbs 16:28 - "A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends."
Proverbs 11:13 - "A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret."
As a friend you'll know details and secrets of your friend's life. Friends do not gossip. Gossip is telling detrimental things about another person to someone who is not a part of the problem or the solution.
Friends know when to tell someone else (such as in cases of abuse) and when to keep confidences.
#3. What makes a good friend? Kindness.
Proverbs 26:18-19 - "Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows is a man who deceives his neighbor and says, 'I was only joking!'"
Fathers can help their children by teaching them the difference between a joke or harmless prank and going too far.
#4. What makes a good friend? Encouragement toward financial contentment.
Proverbs 6:1-5 - "My son, if you have put up security for your neighbor, if you have struck hands in pledge for another, if you have been trapped by what you said, ensnared by the words of your mouth, then do this my son, to free yourself, since you have fallen into your neighbor's hands: Go and humble yourself; press your plea with your neighbor! Allow no sleep to your eyes, no slumber to your eyelids. Free yourself, like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter, like a bird from the snare of the fowler."
Proverbs 17:18 - "A man lacking in judgment strikes hands in pledge and puts up security for his neighbor."
When you co-sign, you accept responsibility for the debts of others. When you co-sign you are enabling your friend to buy something he cannot afford. The Bible calls that "putting up security" or being "surity." Often people pledge themselves to be responsible for their friend's debt. This is a recipe for disaster. It is best to encourage your friends to buy only what they can afford.
#5. What makes a good friend? Generosity.
Proverbs 3:28 - "Do not say to your neighbor, 'Come back later; I'll give it tomorrow' - when you now have it with you."
We have all been given the same amount of time - 24 hours a day. Even with our busy lives, it amazes me how many people have time to give to their friends. When my wife was sick for a prolonged period of time many friends helped us. They brought in meals, ironed, ran errands and prayed for us. Many hours were given. Did they have nothing else to do? Were their days empty? I don't think so. These were acts of friendship.
#6. What makes a good friend? Forgiveness.
Proverbs 24:29 - "Do not say, 'I'll do to him as he has done to me; I'll pay that man back for what he did.'"
Our fallen human nature says, "Don't get mad - get even." Jesus says we must forgive - not 7 times, but 70 X 7. We must be ready to forgive our friends, just like they have to forgive us.
#7. What makes a good friend? Bringing out the best in each other.
Proverbs 16:29 - "A violent man entices his neighbor and leads him down a path that is not good."
Proverbs 22:24 - "Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared."
#8. What makes a good friend? Telling the truth - even if it is "bad news".
Proverbs 27:17 - "As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."
Proverbs 27:6 - "Wounds from a friend can be trusted."
A man saw a friend acting in a way that would probably destroy his friend's family. What would a friend do? He said that he did nothing because he didn't want to lose the friendship.
True friends put the needs of a friend before their own need to keep the friendship. It's never easy, but when you must tell someone the truth, use this approach: speak calmly, clearly, directly, honestly and respectfully. This is how Jesus would confront someone.
#9. What makes a good friend? Unselfishness.
Proverbs 17:17 - "A friend loves at all time."
Proverbs 18:1 - "A unfriendly man pursues selfish ends."
On August 5, 1936, at the Berlin Olympic Stadium it was past nine in the evening.
The final three competitors in the pole vault were Earl Meadows (United States) and two Japanese close friends Japan, Shuhei Nishida and Sueo Oe. The bar was at 14 feet 3 1/4 inches, which Earl Meadows. Nishida and Oe missed all three attempts. The two Japanese continued to jump for second and third place, but the competition ended when it became too dark to continue.
"Oe and I were certain we had tied, since we both jumped identical heights," Nishida remembered.
The officials decided to award the silver medal to Nishida - without fully explaining their reasoning. Oe was awarded the bronze. Nishida was not happy with the decision. Oe and Nishida decided to cut their medals in half. Then they joined half of the silver medal with half of the bronze medal for each of them. The medals were called the Medals of Eternal Friendship.
What an unselfish act on the part of a friend.
What makes a good friend? Practicing the golden rule. Friends treat each other as they would like to be treated.
Jesus said, "I have called you friends." John 15:15. He's our best example of what makes a good friend.
"If life has knocked you down, I prophesy that you will Rise & Walk"
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